My Sunshine.....

My sunshine, he brought me light when my life went dark during my first born dying at the age of 7 months. She was born with a severe heart disease. When she died, I died with her. My life was just not the same everything seem dark, I felt lost, didn't have a sense of reasons of living. I battled the darkness of taking my life to be with her, when at that the time I was struggling with the belief of God. But I could not do it and cause my family and friends more pain. I felt so alone in this dark world I was in. I was seeking another child who I can give that love I had longed to give my daughter Nikole if she was still here with me. So this is when I got pregnant with my son Nikolas. Who brought light to my dark world. He made me shine again. He seem perfect, cute as a button, fat as a butter ball and most of all loved me unconditional because he knew I was mommy! As he turn a year an half we noticed that he wouldn't speak. Later we learned he was diagnosed with a speech delay. I struggled everyday wondering what my son wanted, why couldn't my son speak to me, I felt as though I couldn't communicate with him. But even though we couldn't hold a conversation I always showed him affection through touch. My son was judge and still is, and so are we as parents by un-educated people. I gain such respect for the disable and their parents. People can be so judgemental and harsh. At this point my faith to God vanish, explain to me why God give my daughter a sick heart and make her suffer through pain and die and cause her loved ones pain, why God take my son the availability to speak like us if he is high and mighty! He isn't any better than us. I stopped being angry at this so-called God, and began to get my son all the help he needed and be there for him 101%. Show him that their are un-educated people who will judge him and treat him like a alien but they don't matter HE MATTERS! My son has grown to be such a loving, smart toddler. He loves those who judge him, he loves those show him love he views everyone equal and that I admire! He is six years old and has that availability that many of us adults should have. Maybe this world would be a better place. So he continues to shine light in my world even when it gets dim. And I will be continue to build that road that my son deserves like any other child. Because he too will be successful.......