"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." ~Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)

Judgement Day

Yesterday was a day that I can say I had enough of the bullshit. One I have this family who always blame me whenever things go down. There is this one person that I am speaking of Justin which has become one of my new comers on my shit list. It pisses me off when people become so shady when I have been good to them. Then at the end I come out to be the bad one. Yo honestly fuck you, I am done with the same bullshit. And then I have a aunt that said that I am selfish and that I am angry blah blah. Fuck her too. I am so tired when people say that I am selfish. You know what I go out for everyone that I know of course when they are on my good side. Those who know me know that I am that way. I rarely think about myself. But I noticed when I don't give people what they want they are quick to call me selfish. Its bullshit. Honestly it makes me want to become a selfish, grimy, bitch! And fuck everyone else in my life that don't matter. I can't stand it yo! People are so fake. People are such assholes. I hate to throw things that I have done for people because I don't do them to say I do them, I do them because that's how I am. I know that some people take advantage of that. And I can honestly say that I know that some appreciate it. Which makes it hard for me to change into this so-called selfish person. But honestly, in due time for real I might just become that person. I don't care what people say most of the time but when it comes from those who I only cared about it pisses me off. And I don't fall for people bullshit and excuses, I am too smart for that. I listen to honesty! Which many can't do. Anyway I just need to vent.

Just a couple of thoughts......

Well I wonder why have such evilness in them yet they wonder why shit happens to them. I know about this family that claim such closeness but funny thing is that when shit hits the fan they all scatter like roaches when you turn on the light lol. Shady isn't strong enough to describe them. I am proud to say that my children are not close to that side of the family of my husbands. I can actually pick let me see three people who I can say are cool with me. Don't get me wrong they have their share of issues as we all do, but I can only say that they have given me a chance to show them who I am. Better yet not give me a chance cause I could less of those who judge me but wants to get to know me. But in any event, it pisses me off when people act like they care about you then shit on you when they don't get their way or don't agree with something you done. PHONEY! I mean give me a brake, honestly people can try to use me all they want but at the end I come out winning because I know what I have done for people is out of my heart not for interest in any kind because I know how to fend for myself. I don't depend on no one for anything! I am a strong individual who knows what I want and need. I don't hurts because I freaking feel like it. I better things to do with my energy. I stop trying to hurt others on a continious basis. If you hurt me I will make sure you feel it just once!!!! harder than I felt it. Thats enough for me. Then I cut the person off no need to keep them around as punching bags when I end up looking as a childish person. Nah, too grown for that. People need to check themselves for real especially this damn family. Honestly they aren't even like family they are more like individuals. But it doesn't surprise me at all of their actions. LOSERS! Sorry I had to get that shit out of my shit.

I just realized

Wow, I discovered something this weekend. You know what helped me a little something called alcohol..... Alcohol makes me feel! I am that person that drinks and their emotions are released. This has happen before but I did not pay it too much mind. But I realized it this weekend that I felt so emotional. As if my pain was yearning to be released. So yeah basically that damn thing called alcohol is the kryptonite to my walls that I built so that I won't be such a emotional roller coaster.... all the damn time. Just thought I would share with you what I just realized about myself.